Maybe this is my way of expressing it and releasing it, maybe this will help feel lighter and maybe with this, sleeping peacefully may actually be a reality.
But maybe this is my way of opening up, not to a particular friend, or to a particular family member. I don’t know why I’ve written this, maybe this is a terrible post, maybe it’s different from my regular writing, I honestly don’t know. But tossing and turning every night (and now mornings too) with this extremely uncomfortable feeling in your body, blood is unexplainably painful. It’s even more frustrating as you’re up and awake, your mind’s happily building on those unnecessary thoughts, and you’re consciously forcing yourself to stop thinking & fall asleep cuz you’ve got to get to work in literally a couple of hours! Anxiety could be the cause of it, I don’t know. Worse when it is accompanied by this slow but steadily arriving headache. And this tends to happen early morning, a little before sunrise. However now there’s this new pattern! I could be deep in slumber but a random thought, sound, imagination or memory is enough to break this sleep! I’m not talking about dreams (or nightmares). I was beginning to get used to it, having difficulty falling asleep at night, the overthinking doesn’t help either, but I was beginning to accept and deal with it. Insomnia must be what it is I’m going through, but I’m no therapist. What’s the point then?! I’d rather keep it all to myself, if I’m the only one who can do something about it, right?
Cuz honestly, others may listen, offer advice, but no one can really do anything more than that. Sure I’m aware that speaking, opening up to people helps make one feel lighter, but I feel it’s temporary. Off late, I may have cut off from people even more.
Of course, in goodness, others try to break through the high walls I’ve created around me, but I’m a tough cookie.
I’d like to believe I’m a very private person, with only a certain few having access to me & my thoughts.
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